If They Were Real...

If the characters in our feature film Dear J were real... well, let's just say we'd have an interesting group of people on our hands. (To say the least.)

And here's a chance for you to get to know them a little better. We'll start with the people that populate the film's imaginary courtroom...

(Remember, these are the CHARACTERS, not the actors)

THE JUDGE
She presides over James' imaginary trial. And she can be a bit grouchy. But wouldn't you be too if you had to deal with such a troupe of clowns in your courtroom?

Favorite pastime: cattle ranching
Favorite quote: "Two people can't talk at the same time. When my mouth is moving, it means that you need to be quiet." -- Judge Judy

{{ The Judge :: played by Karen Lynn Gorney }}

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THE BAILIFF
He's the Bailiff at the imaginary trial, the Judge's right-hand man. (He's the Security Guard at the institute.)

Favorite hobby: reading the newspaper
Favorite quote: "Consciousness: that annoying time between naps." -- Author Unknown

{{ The Bailiff :: played by Michael Kricfalusi }}

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MOTHER PARROT
She is an expert witness for the prosecution, and she has a unique way to show her expertise. By the way, her name is french and it is pronounced PAIR-row.

Favorite pastime: playing Telephone
Favorite quote: "Did you ever see an unhappy horse? Did you ever see a bird that has the blues? One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses." -- Dale Carnegie

{{ Mother Parrot :: played by Heidi Azaro }}

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PHILOSOPHER HUME
He's a skeptic. He's a Scottish philosopher. And as an expert witness at the trial, he's rather egotistical; and he has a bit of a temper.

Favorite book: A Kind of History of My Life by David Hume (1734)
Favorite pasttime: debating
Favorite quote: "And what is the greatest number? Number one." -- David Hume

{{ Hume :: played by Bruce Nicholls }}

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PROF. BOLTMANIAC
He's somehow mixed up in James' past. He's a flirt and tries to bring trouble between James and Paige.

Favorite pastime: stirring up trouble
Favorite quote: "There is something precious in our being mysteries to ourselves, in our being unable ever to see through even the person who is closest to our heart and to reckon with him as though he were a logical proposition or a problem in accounting." -- Rudolf Bultmann

{{ Boltmaniac :: played by Ron Kuriloff }}

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DAVIE AND AVIE :: Like Boltmaniac, Avie and Davie Malvideo are somehow connected to James' past. She's a southern belle wannabe. He spends his time chewing on toothpicks.

Favorite dream vacation spot: Hawaii
Her favorite quote: "I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot." -- Marilyn Monroe
His favorite quote: "I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." -- Jeff Foxworthy

{{ Davie and Avie :: played by Hudson Chambers and Amanda Short }}

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By the way, if you could spend an hour with any of the above, who'd it be? Why?